A good man is hard to find
 
By Marcianne Waters
Philadelphia Daily News
 
I CAN'T LOOK away. I want to. In fact, I want to walk away. But, I can't.

A train wreck? Open-brain surgery on the Discovery Channel? Another "Who's Your Daddy?" brawl on Jerry Springer? No, that's not it. Although "it" does involve a TV and some brawling, of a sort.

It is HBO's new series "Big Love." I guess the "big" in "Big Love" refers to the polygamous union of Bill and Barb and Nicolette and Margene. Or maybe it describes the "love" among and between the three wives. Or maybe, just maybe, it refers to husband Bill, who, Viagra always at the ready, seems to be in hot demand by each wife on her designated morning, noon and night.

I find the idea of polygamy distasteful, even repellant. It's degrading, it's demeaning, it's disgusting. Even if the roles were reversed and we women could have multiple husbands, I'd still reject it. (I must admit that my fruitless search for the perfect mate would benefit greatly from being able to choose one from Category 1, brainy breadwinner, one from Category 2, clever carpenter and, ooh la la, one from category 3, steamy stud.)

But, I digress. And fantasize.

The whole premise of "Big Love" makes me want to take a long, hot shower, with a Brillo pad, even as it seduces and enthralls me. Especially the characters:

Bill, the surprisingly likable protagonist, whose cell phone jangles incessantly. First, a call from wife No. 1, or First Wife as she is termed. Then one from eldest child of First Wife (or 1-1, as I like to think of him). Second Wife is placed on hold for second child of First Wife (or 1-2). Just when you think it's over, Third Wife chimes in with child No. 7 (3-2, as I like to think of the baby) squalling on her shoulder. How does he stand it?

Second Wife Nicolette, the sneaky, sassy shopaholic with unyielding and creepy ties to her menacing father.

The menacing father, threatening his own son-in-law as he surreys his own newest bride, all of 16 (more Brillo, please!), to a family get-together in a Hummer. As the Hummer chugs along, the occupants - menacing father, his First Wife, Child Bride and one of many sons - harmonize hymns. It is surreal.

Third Wife Margene, not much older than first son, the aforementioned 1-1, has a foot fight with him on the family couch (where is this going?).

And last, but not least, steady, stalwart Barb, First Wife (Nicolette calls her "Boss Lady" to her face). She didn't sign on for this but she keeps a smile and an even keel on this bustling ark.

I love them all. And I'm so addicted to them and their story that I stay up way past my bedtime on Sunday nights to watch and then count the minutes until the replay on Wednesday.

BUT THE REAL draw is the convoluted relationships, especially the interplay of the wives. They sit calmly at a table and pore over their calendars as they divvy up the month for time with their husband. They squabble over the pecking order but join hands in a circle to restore the peace. Barb and Nicolette prepare breakfast for the gaggle of kids, ranging in age from infants to teen, while listening to Margene and Bill make passionate love in the room upstairs. Nicolette bristles, not with jealousy, but at Bill and Margene's tardiness. How do they stand it?

Nicolette says "plural marriage teaches selflessness" as she dumps her two rowdy boys on Margene and rags about Barb, who's had the audacity to take a job to contribute to the family finances. Then I hear first daughter (1-2) confide in a friend that she thinks her mom, Barb, only agreed to plural marriage for fear of losing Bill.

Again, I think, how do they stand it? Sitting alone on the couch, I cringe. And maybe that's the answer. Who really wants to be alone on the couch? People settle for all sorts of relationships to avoid being alone. I've done it (see wedding album No. 1 and wedding album No. 2). "A bad relationship is better than no relationship at all" was my motto.

I think I've finally got it beat. I'm alone on the couch, and fairly content. No more contorting myself to make the unworkable look like it's working.

But, as I watch my girl Barb deflate when her friend tells her, "He'll never leave his wives for you," I think, "There but for the grace of God..."

Oh, the things we do for love. Especially Big Love.

Marcianne Waters is a writer from Moorestown, N.J. Contact her through www.marciwaters.com.
 
centredaily.com
Originally published May 8, 2006
 
Back